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All Things Footie | Thursday, May 4 | Jordan

Ready children? Then let's begin

Let’s start with Wayne Rooney—I’ll try and contain my mirth for long enough to finish this paragraph. Wayne Rooney is a nasty little player, he consistently tackles dangerously and gets away with it, he’s abusive to officials, he’s generally unpleasant. I felt nothing but the sweet smell of Karma kicking the horrible little shit right up the arse (or on the ankle, as it were), particularly in a game where he’d already reduced John Terry to a hobble. He’s a wonderful footballer, but a prize twat of a person, and this is perhaps the most hilarious headline ever written—the idea of Wayne Rooney being ‘philosophical’ about anything other than the big hole in his wallet left by his marginally more unpleasant other-half is almost as funny as his face when he was carted off the Stamford Bridge pitch last Saturday. I’m of the opinion that England didn’t really stand much of a chance anyway, but without Rooney, ‘not much’ has changed to ‘a cat in hell’

Talking of England’s chances, it seems their chances of silverware will remanin in the same ballpark, with or without Rooney, as the FA have once again shown their utter incompetence by naming Mr Medicore as the new England manager (from 1 August). Middlesbrough would have paid England to take McLaren less than six weeks ago, but now he’s supposed to be the best man for the job? Second choice to Scolari? He’s got second choice written through him like a stick of rock.

I couldn’t think of a worse choice for the position, apart from maybe Steve Bruce.

And staying with the subject of the FA: after a season littered with awful, dangerous, challenges from cynical and brutish individuals—and what I’m sure must be a record number of serious foot/leg injuries to Premiership players—what’s the betting that at the beginning of next season there’s a clampdown on backchat to officials? Or diving? Or celebrating in front of away fans? Or some other stupid initiative designed to make them and the officials feel important.

Never one to shirk the oppotunity to be logical, I liked Arsène Wenger’s suggestion:

“I felt, having watched the game, that there were bad intentions … The player should be banned as long as Abou Diaby does not play. When you see that he gets a yellow card it is just horrendous.”

Too right; it’s long been my opinion that football is perfectly happy to see cameras catch people and players for spitting, shirt pulling, diving, swearing, giving fans a two-fingered salute, being happy at scoring a goal—but we see the punishment and chastisement of ‘honest’ or ‘hardworking’ players half crippling others as just a calculated risk of playing the game. Well it’s bollocks; it’s not good enough, and someone needs to take action before it gets out of hand. By someone, I mean one of the brain-dead idiots at the FA.

(36) Comment(s) | Permanent link to this article

# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 9:21 PM
I knew Steve mclaren would get the job. I dunno what it is but it seems public opinion, plus the FA can be so bloody predictable. Now have your English man and long live the incompetence of England managers.. If the stupid press did'nt hound scolari England could have landed a real gem. Someone who would have changed the whole ethos of the England team. Oh well! Don't worry there's always Peter Crouch to fill Rooney's boots. By the way I was over the moon when Spurs got that "cheat" goal against the Arse. Wenger is such a bad loser, he was way OT with Martin Jol. Sure, I think it was Carick, caught them on the break, but he did'nt play the ball till he saw the two players getting up. By then there was an opening and they went for it, Jol did not encourage his players to do it. It was serendipity.

Jonah
# Posted by Anonymous J. Michael at 10:34 PM
You're right about changes needing to be made re: dangerous challenges. Unfortunately, I think you're also right about the FA not doing anything about it.

If that's the case (the FA does nothing), do you think we'll see a significant player migration away from the Premiership?
# Posted by Anonymous James at 10:17 AM
Come on Jord, even the most ardent Arsenal fan must have some regret about not seeing such an awesome talent on the world stage. Or is this just a way of drumming up support for Wenger's 'make football a non-contact sport' campaign?
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 10:37 AM
It's all very well banging on about how bad a choice McClaren is without mentioning who your ideal candidate would be. Pat Rice, Liam Brady, Tony Adams and David Dein don't count.
# Posted by Blogger Jordan at 11:11 AM
Stuart Pearce and someone with a little more experience next to him, or maybe just Pearce on his own.

Someone who's not utterly shite, and who will have the respect of the players. Not McLaren then.
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 2:47 PM
Why did the baker have brown hands?
















He kneeded a poo
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 1:41 AM
"or maybe just Pearce on his own"

sarcasm me thinks.

Jonah
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6:04 AM
You sound to me to be a prize twat of a person but I still wouldn't find it funny if you broke a bone.

I'm not that keen on Rooney, can't stand ManUre but am genuinely disappointed that we won't see Rooney on 'the biggest stage' this summer. I think it's a real shame that England's best 11 footballers won't be representing us at the World Cup.
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 9:50 AM
I completely disagree with your analysis of Rooney, but agree with your analysis of a godawful season, but anyway my problem today is with Sevilla.

Why did most of the Sevilla players fall over with their legs folding away under them like they'd been shot as they jumped out of a trench? If Viduka had fallen over like that no doubt Middlesbrough would have got the penalty. It was pathetic.

regards
www.boycott-football.tk
# Posted by Anonymous Roonometer at 3:04 PM
Let’s all show The Roon some support. Have a look at Roonometer.co.uk :

www.roonometer.co.uk

Here you can get the latest Rooney news from all over the web, check the Roonometer, send Wayne a good luck message and loads more…

We want Wayne on The World Cup Plane!!!
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6:06 PM
i have 4 tickets in a neutral section to champions league final in paris. the interested send an email to [email protected]
# Posted by Blogger andyrupe at 2:23 AM
Jord what are u on? That Rooney rant was shameful and pathetic! If football is your passion then why would you not want one of the games brightest stars to shine of the biggest stage? - Not what you'd expect from a life-long fan of the beautiful game!

And with Rooney being English just makes your comments even more surreal.

I cant believe any football fan let alone an English one could have watched Rooney be stretchered off and not see part of their summer leave with him.

Disappointing Jordan, very disappointing.
# Posted by Blogger Jordan at 2:48 PM
There'll be plenty of great players at the World Cup with or without Rooney. I'd just rather watch the ones that aren't horrible little scumbags.
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 1:38 PM
That little cunt got what he deserved. you can't go aorund stamping on someones jacobs just becasue you are having a bad day at the office.

Who gives a shit if Ronaldo wound him up at the start. That ugly fuck rooney gets paid a shit load of money every week to play football. He knows how the game goes with other players winidng up the opposition and he should fucking know better. In conclusion I hope the ugly fuck gets hit by a bus becasue thats what gypsy pikey fucks like rooney deserve.
# Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 3:10 PM
Forgot to add Ronney is a scrub and if I met him in real life I'd knock him the fuck down
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