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All Things Footie | Tuesday, January 20 | Jordan

Football Whores & Cricket Scores

All things footie would like to present a special edition. Matchday reporter Tom Green gives his diligently impartial analysis of Wolverhampton Wanderers’ victory over Manchester United on Saturday.

Bobby Charlton, Alex Ferguson, Mick Hucknall, Terry Christian, Mark Chapman, Matty Kitching… your boys took one hell of a beating!

You surely didn’t think I wasn’t going to contribute to atf at all this week did you?

Yeah, maybe I could’ve just gone to ‘have your say’, but Mr atf has always said he welcomes pieces from external parties, and I’m quite sure this piece will be well received by ‘most’ footballing quarters.

I like to consider myself as a very levelheaded Wolves supporter who speaks a lot of sense about his team & others. I like to think that when we are all down the pub others respect my opinion on the game & I am quite sure that they do. I may be outspoken at times, but I’d rather be outspoken than conform to general opinion—‘Band Wagon’ football supporters are the worst kind in my view. But at 4.53 on Saturday afternoon, a very buoyant band waggon pulled up alongside me outside the Billy Wright Stand.

‘Go on, ride me!’ the driver said. ‘No, no. It’s just a well deserved 3 points gained from a fellow Premiership side. I’m happy with that thank you.’ I replied. ‘But you’ve just beat top of league. The whole country has been laughing at you for months. How many times have you let their ‘supporters’ belittle you just because your football club isn’t a multi-million pound corporation? How many Man U infested editions of ‘The Premiership’ have you sat through just to see 20 seconds of your team in action? YOU’VE JUST DESERVEDLY BEATEN THEM! GO ON, RIDE ME!’

‘OK driver, 1 ticket please.’

Ha! Ha! Ha! He! He! He!

Can we play you every week? Can we play you every week? No, seriously, can we?

I think alot of other teams could gain from watching our now famous victory. Especially now that Mr Rio Ferdinand is staring down the barrel of an 8-month suspension, as he is indeed the only Man United defender who can in my opinion, well, defend. This was the first time I’d watched my beloved Wolverhampton Wanderers take on the alleged Premiership ‘heavyweight’ that is United, and I can honestly say, I wasn’t that impressed. Go on, shoot me down; they haven’t been Premiership champions nine times out of twelve for nothing. That said, it seems to me that if a team doesn’t give them too much respect, if someone keeps check on Scholes and if just one of your centre-halves is given the job of man-marking Van Nisterooij (which he does for 90 minutes), they are very ordinary. As Ronaldo lofted in his 100th aimless cross when United were chasing the game, I couldn’t help but think how much they miss their old number 7. Can any United fan seriously claim that the sale of Beckham and the acquisitions of Kleberson, Ronaldo, Bellion and err… Djemba Djemba has improved their squad? I doubt it.

For years now, Alex Ferguson has always had the last laugh. ‘Cantona’s a bit of a gamble’, ‘Jaap Stam? £10 million for that donkey!’, ‘Who’s this Sølskjær lad?’, ‘Will Dwight Yorke be able to make the step up to a club like Man United?’ Each and every time, know-nothing pundits would then come out and smugly claim they knew all along that the great Scot was right all along. The same know-nothing pundits who before Saturday were claiming we were dead and buried. The same know-nothing pundits who came to Molineux on Saturday expecting a cricket score.

I think I can safely say he was wrong about this one though. The decision to sell Beckham is going to bite the red-nosed git on the arse big time. And I get the feeling it’s nibbling already.

Anyway, its now Tuesday and I really should get off this wagon now. Tomorrow night the boys in old gold take on Liverpool, who will provide a totally different kind of challenge. And with the likes of Owen and Gerrard returning from injury, one might even say it’s an even tougher challenge.

Ooops, have I gone too far?

Ah well.

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