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All Things Footie | Tuesday, July 15 | Jordan

Going … going …

Well folks, this’ll be my last post on all things footie until next thursday (the 24th). I’m off to sunny Italy tomorrow morning for a week, which no doubt means I’ll miss … Patrick Vieira signing his new contract, the surprise arrival of Ruud Van Nistelrooy at highbury in a straight swap deal with Kanu and Pascal Cygan (the new Laurent Blanc), Roman Abramovic buying Real Madrid and giving the players nice new blue shirts to wear, Bobby Robson signing half the KKK, Tottenham Hotspur signing a ‘hot prospect’ someone’s heard of and Manchester City capturing Peter Shilton on a free transfer.

To keep your footballing appetite satiated while I’m away, try this great article in the observer about an African Nations Cup qualifier between Rwanda and Uganda; involving Voodoo, rioting and people being hit in the head with football boots. Bizarre stuff.

I thought it was a wind up when someone told me United had signed a keeper with tourettes syndrome. How the hell is he going to cope with Alex Ferguson’s ‘hairdryer’?

‘You were f*****g terrible today boy! What the f**k did you f*****g think you were doing rolling the ball out to Thierry f*****g Henry?! You’re as bad as that French t***pot. What have you got to say for yourself?’

‘Err, sorry boss, lapse of concentration you wanker

‘What did you say …’

‘Nothing boss, I was just saying I had a lapse of f··k off. Scottish c··t. Concentration.’

Brilliant. Ciao.

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10 Previous Articles

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  3. Horse, Wolves …
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  5. Peas in a pod
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  8. Excitement mounting?
  9. Adios David!
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