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All Things Footie | Monday, July 28 | Jordan

Cash for fash

And with my apt News of the World style headline, I’ve said it all. Perhaps football’s most prolific elbower of all time, and surely the most annoying semi-personality ever to make it onto television, John Fashanu has been accused by said newspaper of; fixing football matches, working for a far-eastern betting syndicate, stealing from his own African childrens charity and fradulently claiming insurance payments when retiring from the game. So has he been fitted up or is he bang to rights? My opinion is clouded by the fact that I think he’s a complete and utter twat so I couldn’t possibly comment.

While certainly the least despicable, the allegation that interests me most is of course the match fixing. The NOTW claim that he has a number of ‘Premiership stars’ on his books who help him fix games — accompanied by teasing sill-ohettes. So lets play the guessing game;

  1. The NotW claim that one of Fashanu’s players turned up at their lunch and said (in response to a fee of £20,000 being mentioned for fixing a game) ‘If I can have it now that would be great because I've got to get back to Manchester.’ Apparently he’s a ‘controversial foreigner’. So he probably plays for a North East based team, he’s controversial and foreign. I can’t think of anyone at United, apart from maybe Barthez (though the sillohette doesn’t match). It could be Dwight Yorke. In fact, I think it is. [Silohette]

  2. a ‘Colourful character who is stylish on and off the pitch’. [Silohette]

  3. a ‘Brilliant player who is famed for his elegant style’. Youri Djorkaeff, it’s got to be, just look at the picture. [Silohette]

  4. A ‘temperamental player’ and ‘former World Cup star’. [Silohette]

Additionally, one of these is an,

‘ … England player whohad agreed to fix a game … “He is a dear, dear friend of mine. He’s somebody who is more of a businessman.”’

There aren’t many ‘elegant’ England players, which leaves numbers 2 and 4. Given that there aren’t many stylish England internationals, apart from golden balls and Rio Ferdinand, it must be number 4.

let’s just get this in perspective — this is big. Players’ careers could be over because of this story, and the dirty cheating scumbags with nothing but contempt for the game deserve everything they get. However, I’ll add a disclaimer to say that everything here is just conjecture and guesswork, if you know otherwise then let me know.

So, any ideas? Leave them in the comments below.

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