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All Things Footie | Saturday, February 15 | Jordan

It’s a beautiful day

I was going to go easy on United. I thought that seeing as United put arsenal to the sword just a couple of months ago, I’d not rub in their 2-0 hammering at Old Trafford today. Then — as I was walking away from the ground (keeping my head down with nothing more than a slightly smug grin on my face) — this greasy, stinking, rat faced, monkey headed, mancunian fuckwit nicked my scarf. Expecting him to realise he was being a childish little tit I turned, tilted my head and offered a (reasonably sympathetic I thought) ‘come on mate’. At which point a short, fat, middle aged, red-faced little turd asked me if I’d dare to try and get it back. Fuck off you prat.

I’ll start with that other miserable, middle aged, red faced, arsehole — the one that manages the losers. I arrived home just in time to catch his comments after the game;

‘It does ease the program for us … I thought we may have taken on too much.’

There is nothing I can say about that comment that would make it any more hilarious. As I was making a mental note of the first comment Fergusmoan came out with this gem — and I paraphrase, as I was too busy laughing to remember it word for word. On Arsenal’s reaction to the five or six ludicrously over the top challenges by United players in the first ten minutes;

‘I didn’t think the Arsenal players handled the referee well. They were surrounding him in numbers and it just creates havoc. Our players didn’t do that.’

I can only assume he’s complaining about a copyright infringement. Aside from the fact that United got just about every decision (how Van Nistelrooy and Paul Scholes weren’t sent off I don’t know, and Arsenal were also denied a clear cut second half penalty), nobody bullies refs more often or with greater ferocity than Moan Utd.

To sum up the game; United shit - Arsenal great. Roy Keane past it - Vieira best midfielder in the World. Rio Ferdinand overrated, waste of money - Martin Keown still one of the most committed and hard working centre half’s England have ever produced. Ruud Van Nistelrooy, couldn’t hit a barn door with a banjo - Thierry Henry, helps his team from the bench more than Van Nistelrooy does on the pitch. David Beckham would love to think he was as good as Robert Pires.

It’s even funnier when you think that Arsenal also left out Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry and Gilberto Silva. You only need the reserves to stuff United these days.

The truth is that when you rely on Phil Neville playing brilliantly to win against a good side, you’re in trouble.

I’m going to get very, very drunk now.
Keeeown, there’s only one Keown

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