All Things Footie

The myth of the away goal advantage

2008-04-03T23:22:00.002Z

Wednesday’s 1-1 draw between Arsenal and Liverpool at the Emirates stadium got me thinking about something that’s been bugging me for a while. Away goals.

We all know they’re stupid (and I don’t just mean in situations where home and away games are played in the same stadium) there’s nothing more frustrating than going out of a cup competition because of them, so when they’re to our advantage we can’t help but think that they have some mythical power beyond a simple leveller of stalemates.

Almost every Arsenal fan I spoke to on Wednesday night and Thursday morning was thoroughly depressed about the draw not necessarily because Arsenal should (on the balance of play) have easily beaten Liverpool, but because they had surrendered an Away Goal. To complement the depression in North London, most Liverpool fans I saw were chirpier than usual, and really quite happy with the result, not because they had managed to engineer a draw out of what should have been a 3-1 defeat, but because (you guessed it) they had an Away Goal.

On the surface, the reactions are obvious—it means that stalemate in the second leg is enough for Liverpool to progress—however from Arsenal’s point of view, there’s not really much difference between 0-0 and 1-1. Either way, if they are to progress they’ll need to score at Anfield. Sure, 0-0 would mean they’d have 120 minutes to score rather than 90, but assuming they do score (which given that they’ve only failed to on four occasions this season is a reasonable assumption) the away goal advantage immediately swings in their favour, for Liverpool would need to score twice to win the game. An equaliser would mean Arsenal have until the end of extra time to get another goal, and if they did Liverpool would need a total of three goals to win.

This also leads on to another annoyance of mine: playing at home in the second leg of a two-legged tie is supposed to be an advantage, but it’s ONLY an advantage if you win the first leg, in almost any other situation (barring a high-score draw) there’s a distinct disadvantage dealt by the away goals rule, in that you’ve already scored as many away goals as you can possibly score, so the momentum is with the away team.

I can see the theory and logic behind both the away goals rule and playing the second leg at home as a reward, but like many policies in this great game of ours, it’s not been thought through enough. I won’t even get on to the fact that it means that Liverpool are now tacitly encouraged to play for a 0-0 draw, which will no doubt result in a massive bore-a-thon second leg … I’ll just leave it with this:

Scrapping away goals would be to the benefit of everyone, it’d encourage more open football, it’d give teams playing at home in the second leg a genuine advantage, and it’d make the calculations a hell of a lot easier for poor fans (not to mention mathematically challenged referees) trying to work out whether 2-1 takes their team through or not.

Punishment should fit the crime

2008-02-25T14:00:00.006Z

I missed the start of the Birminham City v Arsenal match on Saturday afternoon, but when I entered the pub nearly fifteen minutes after kick-off, I was mildly chuffed when told that I'd only missed three minutes of football despite there being nine on the clock. That was until I saw Eduardo on a stretcher, and the look on the face of Gary Lewin (Arsenal physio). I heard murmurs of broken-this and shattered-that, and a red card – no replays meant I was simply left with a bemused and slightly stale taste in the mouth for the rest of the game, regardless of the result.

Now that I've seen the tackle, and many disturbing images of an unnaturally angled fibia, I don't think there's any way one could say that Martin Taylor was malicious in his intent. It was no Joey Barton/Lee Bowyer/Robbie Savage/Dietmar Hamann tackle. However, malice or not, it was an awful reckless mistake, and while we all make mistakes, we're usually punished for them in some way that fits the crime committed. There's public outcry when prisoners are released early, when loopholes are used to avoid severe punishment, and when offenders don't get their 'just desserts'.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that somebody should break Martin Taylor's leg, what I am saying though is simple – the punishment for Taylor should (but won't of course) fit the crime.

Martin Taylor should be banned from professional football for as long as Eduardo can't play for. At the very least, the FA should consider whether it can possibly hand out the same ban for a tackle that could end a player's career, and someone who pushes a ref on his arse.

The simplest punishments are often the best. It's not 'eye-for-an-eye' justice, it's a deterrent against anyone trying to 'put the wind up' opponents by recklessly flinging yourself around the park. The worst thing about Saturday's game was that even following Eduardo's horrific injury, Birmingham's players were throwing themselves into all kinds of rowdy challenges – late, mistimed, or just plain lazy – as if one broken leg wasn't enough.

Arsene Wenger may have been a little over-the-top in his criticism of Taylor, but he was absolutely right in condemning those who have advocated getting 'stuck in' to Arsenal: to wind them up , disrupt their play, and get the better of them. I'd put my life savings (a rather large, negative number) that at least ten times last week Taylor was told that he should give Arsenal players a good kick because they 'don't like it up 'em'.

It was always going to lead to this.

I'm certain that, subconsciously, referees ignore a lot of the 'routine' fouls on Arsenal players – Hleb's quick feet usually lead to him being kicked up in the air five to ten times in most Premiership games -- because all they see is the image of a fancy-dan foreigner on the receiving end of a 'good, honest, English tackle'.

If Steven Gerrard had been on the receiving end of some of the horrific tackles he's meted out in the past we'd see blanket condemnation of the 'dirty foreigner' that injured poor old 'Stevie G'. Could you imagine for a second someone daring to say that a tackle that shattered John Terry's ankle 'wasn't even a yellow card'?

Latent xenophobia is what it is, and it's ugly and embarrassing for the sport.

Ouch

2007-01-10T21:44:00.000Z

All Things Footie* is currently recovering from a serious knee-ligament injury brought on by overwork. Surgery has been performed, and recovery is underway. Speculative reports from the team physios suggest full training will be resumed within a month, and he may be ready for competitive action before the end of February.

So as not to strain too much, I'll just say a quick hello to all the Liverpool fans out there. How you doing? Fortress Anfield still holding up? Good.

* Remember that All Things Footie is a website, and not a person. No bloggers have been harmed in the writing of this post.

Tevez and Mascherano madness

2006-09-03T19:42:00.000Z

Brace yourself boys and girls, it’s a big one.

The big story at the closing of transfer window was of course Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano’s move to West Ham United. It was—it’s fair to say—out of the blue; a massive surprise to West Ham fans, players and probably the manager too, and as much as anything else, a huge puzzle.

It’s no surprise that Tevez and Mascherano are playing in England this season: Manchester United have been chasing Mascherano for months, and could also do with an experienced centre forward to replace Ruud van Nistelrooij; Arsenal have been in want of an experienced midfielder for over a season, and are also having trouble scoring goals this season; Chelsea have been most strongly linked with both players, particularly Tevez (a search for ‘Tevez Chelsea’ returns 555 results from Google’s news aggregator) and some stories have gone as far as to suggest Abramovich’s team have a signed pre-contract agreement with the player. Both players starred for one of the most impressive side’s in the World Cup this summer, and are both under 25 but with bags of experience and their best years ahead of them. They should be moving to Europe to challenge for titles and compete in the Champions League. Carlos Tevez’s release clause in his Corinthians contract was £68m, his move alone would have made his agent, and ‘Sport Club Corinthians Paulista’ an absolute fortune.

At least it would have done, if ‘Sport Club Corinthians Paulista’ were an ordinary football club.

At the start of 2005 Media Sports Investment (MSI)—a shadowy group of international investors (seemingly) headed by Kia Joorabchian, and that may or may not be a part of Roman Abramovich’s company portfolio—took over control of Corinthians, and began a lavish spell of Abramovich-esque spending, including the capture of one Carlos Tevez for $20m, a record fee at the time, and Javier Mascherano. The most interesting part of the whole deal is that although Mascherano and Tevez were playing for Corinthians, they were never ‘owned’ by them in the traditional sense, but merely leased out by MSI to Corinthians. This kind of deal is key to MSI’s business strategy, they already own several young players and a host of stadia in South America, leased to clubs—not in a mortgage sense, each club in question will never own the stadium again—as a way of MSI having a perpetual revenue. And this, in turn, is the deal that both players have with West Ham; West Ham don’t own either player, its plain to anyone that they couldn’t possibly afford to, they are simply leased out from MSI.

There are far more questions than answers in this whole business, so I’ll look at a few and give my opinion:

Q: Why did the players have to move anyway?

A: Assuming that MSI’s aim is to make as much money from the players as possible, I reason the following:

MSI will not be able to pull the ‘lease’ arrangement with a big European club, otherwise they’d be playing at United/Chelsea/Arsenal now.
Given the above, they have one chance to realise their investment in a player, the day they finally transfer the player’s ownership to an actual club.
No club will play ridiculous money for a player with no European experience, if it’s an English club after a player, the English experience counts even more.
MSI have to give their players some English experience, to inflate their price for English clubs, who are currently the most flush with money.

It’s likely that Tevez’s strike as well as his antics wearing a United shirt to a press conference were all orchestrations of MSI to try and make the moves seem player-led. At least if they weren’t entirely orchestrations, it’s logical to reason that they must have been endorsed by MSI.

Of course, the wonderful thing is that it could all backfire, and if Tevez and Mascherano have poor seasons in the Premiership for whatever reason, they’ll probably sell for less than they could have gone for this season. Wouldn’t that be just delicious?

Q: Why West Ham?

A: They’re based in the captial, they’re willing to put up with the ‘lease’ arrangement with MSI (which presumably Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham weren’t) and they’ll offer regular football for the players.

The associated question is of course: are West Ham benefiting? In the short term, the answer is unequivocable—they’re getting two players they couldn’t dream of signing normally, for (presumably) a nominal fee and their wages. In the longer term, it’s arguable whether there’s any tangible benefit. The addition of two players who will need time to acclimatise and who, while in posession of true quality, will suffer from not being around players of their own stature. Come this time next year, it’s possible, if not likely, that they’ll have no Tevez, no Mascherano, a big dent in the 2006/7 wage-bill and a couple of disgruntled, longer serving players who didn’t see much action over the season because of two Argentinian travellers.

Q: Is it legal?

A: I don’t see why not. All they’re effectively doing is being bigger and better organised agents. In the way that some clubs refuse to deal with certain agents, it’s quite possible that many clubs will refuse to deal with MSI or similar agencies, but there will always be clubs (off the top of my head, in addition to West Ham: Bolton, Middlesbrough and Newcastle spring to mind as likely English candidates) who will appreciate a short term boost.

There’s also of course the question of whether all players will be happy with the arrangement. It’s unclear how much choice Tevez and Mascherano had about the choice of West Ham—I’ve no doubt at all that both would rather be at a bigger club despite their protestations—as well as how much of their wages they take home, and who has control over their image rights, etc. Young South Americans are one thing, but can you see Thierry Henry, David Beckham or Steven Gerrard agreeing to be owned by a company rather than a club?

That said, they (MSI) must be doing something right, or Tevez and Mascherano wouldn’t be in their employ at the moment, though I’ve heard the pair of them aren’t exactly brain surgeons, and it’s easy to see how vulnerable, talented young players in developing countries could be talked around by a big organisation for this kind of deal. And there lies the limitations of MSI’s approach.

For all it’s innovation, and it is innovative, I can’t see this style of player ownership working on a large scale in the longer term, because, simply, it will only work with exceptional talents from poor countries—of which there are plenty of course, but not enough to sustain a large industry.

And is it all bad? If this kind of player pimping puts money into African and South American football, then that’s a good thing, so long as it’s not just one consortium controlling all of the players, it’s not really much different to the way it works at the moment (see the case of John Obi Mikel). There’s no elitism here, I’m all for the smaller clubs getting hold of some real talent, and causing more problems for the big-boys; however I see these scehemes as belittling the smaller clubs, destabalising them in the long term (how can you plan for the future when half you playing staff changes wholesale every year—guaranteed). I don’t want to see every club outside the big four becoming a feeder club.

And finally:

Q: Is Abramovich involved?

A: The $64,000 question, with serious implications. If he is involved, then it’s altogether more sinister than it already appears: his power in football will have extended to him not only signing players for Chelsea to stop them going elsewhere (Shaun Wright-Phillips, Michael Essien, Andri Shevchenko, and so on), but signing them for other clubs to stop them going elsewhere.

Why would we think Abramovich is involved? The number one reason is Spanish newspaper ‘AS’ claiming that he owns 15% of MSI—a damning claim indeed—but one totally unsubstantiated. That said, one would expect Abramovich to take action against a publically printed and widely cited lie, and no such action has been taken (bar a few unconvincing denials that he has any money invested in the company). The there is Pini Zahavi: the agent responsible on Chelsea’s side for the Ashley Cole tapping up, and in turn, the similar tapping up by Kenyon and Chelsea of Sven Goran Eriksson. He was also Roman Abramovich’s advisor when he negotiated the purchase of Chelsea FC.

I’ll give you one guess who MSI’s agent of choice is, and who negotiated Tevez and Mascherano’s transfer to West Ham.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should add that Zahavi has been involved with plenty of Premiership clubs, including, notably, Manchester United, where he earnt a reputed £750k from Louis Saha’s transfer, as well as hefty fees from Rio Ferdinand’s move from Leeds and his new contract negotiated last year. He’s been in the business for much longer than Abramovich has, but it’s undeniable that he has very strong links with Chelsea and their Russian owner.

It’s all conjecture of course, and I think there’s more chance of West Ham sigining Ronaldinho and Kaka next August than us ever getting a look at MSI’s list of investors, and indeed, there are as many connections between Abramovich’s arch-nemesis Boris Berezovsky and MSI as there is to Roman himself. It could even be that Berezovsky has forced the players to West Ham to keep them from Chelsea (though it would have made more sense to push them to a rival). In my opinion, given the natre of the company and the way it operates, it is likely one of the Oligarch’s has a vested interest in MSI, for reasons that remain unknown.

One may think that because Abramovich has such a clear vested interest in Chelsea, he couldn’t possibly think he’d get away with part owning another, but he’s got away with worse, and he’s already the controlling stakeholder of the company who bankrolls a rival to Chelsea in this season’s Champions League (CSKA Moscow, sponsored by Sibneft).

There is no reliable evidence that Abramovich has a stake in MSI, and thus a hand in Tevez and Mascherano (indeed, it appears that the only reason Tevez has been linked to Chelsea in the past is because Abramovich is reputed to be an MSI shareholder), however it’ll be interesting to see if a) one or both of the players aquire ‘knocks’ that keep them out of West Ham’s game with Chelsea, and b) if one or both of the players end up at Chelsea next season.

Predictions

2006-08-27T15:00:00.000Z

Short and sharp:

Chelsea are not that good and won't storm the league: they have millions of pounds worth of over-rated, expensive players, all past their best. And I can't even begin to tell you how over-rated I think Frank Lampard is. They have quality too, but not as much as it is commonly stated they do.
Manchester United have one of the worst squads they've had in over a decade, but they also have the best player they've had since Cantona: they'll do better than some predict.
Liverpool have a good, though prone to flights of fancy, manager; they have a talented midfield, an aging defence and a limp attack. Anything could happen with this team, from 2nd place to 12th.
Without a brute in midfield and a consistent partner for Henry (or worse, and off-form Henry), Arsenal could struggle finish top 5, with one, they could sneak the title.
Tottenham over-acheieved last season and sold their best player to United. They'll struggle to finish top 6.
With a new and perfectly suited manager, Aston Villa will for the first time in 20 years, please their fans. My tip for a surprise high-finish.
Newcastle are just as rubbish as they have been for the last ten years. Obafemi Martins is an excellent player, but he's not going to turn around an otherwise rubbish squad.
Middlesbrough will be massively inconsistent, but entertaining at times.
There's a non-trivial chance that Fulham could finish bottom of the league by 10 or more points.

Warming up

2006-08-14T14:54:00.000Z

The close season is always a dull time for football news. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been tempted to write something discussing the endless, tedious transfer sagas that have dogged the summer: Ashley Cole’s protracted transfer to Chelsea, the van Nistelroij/Ronaldo/Rooney spats, the inexplicably complicated shenanigans surrounding the Hunchback of Marseille (Franck Ribery) transfer to whoever gets the better of Olympique Marseille’s enigmatic chairman Pape Diouf. The Italian bribery scandals—where unsurprisingly we’re now seeing the initially harsh but fair punishments being reduced to proverbial slaps on the wrist—and the low and dirty tactics of Real Madrid trying to secure a big signing for the summer all do nothing but leave a bitter and unpleasant taste in my mouth.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve simply not had much interest-in or enthusiasm-for football recently, and I didn’t want to reel off inane stock transfer chatter to fill some column inches. You can get that by more dedicated commentators elsewhere, though why you’d want it I don’t know.

The combination of the Championship kick-off, the Champions League qualifiers and yesterday’s community shield have rekindled some of my enthusiasm for the coming season, and I think it’s going to be a more interesting one than most people anticipate.

I fear for Liverpool; at least, I would if I gave a toss whether they do well or not. Steven Gerrard is a wonderful match winner, and a big game player of epic proportions, but he’s not a season long super-man. Xabi Alonso is a very good player, though I actually think Mamadou Sissoko is potentially better, and has the ability to control and dominate games at least as well as Gerrard does. All sounds well and good so far, but … I don’t rate Reina, I maintain that Carragher is an average player who just gives it all for his club, and the rest of Liverpool’s defence lies somewhere between shaky and awful. From an attacking point of view, they have a Birmingham reject with a penchant for breaking the law and a monumental ego, a few enthusiastic youngsters with no proven quality, a Welsh psychopath who only performs for three to five games a season and who’s had more clubs than I’ve had hangovers, and a huge hole where a strike-force should be. A club with zero capable forwards doesn’t stand a chance of challenging Chelsea, and one with a few gaps elsewhere and a manager who thinks he’s far better than he is, is in serious trouble of embarrassing itself. The only reason Liverpool will likely finish in the top five is because they have three solid, high-quality central midfielders.

As they have done in almost all of their championship seasons, Arsenal could surprise this year. In Jens Lehmann and Kolo Toure they have arguably the best ‘keeper and defender in the league (I think Terry is overrated, but I’ll come to that in a bit), and in Philippe Senderos and Lauren they have a solid centre-half and full back to compliment. With Djourou, Eboue, Almunia and Hoyte they have some very capable backups in all positions. The ability to call Arsenal’s defence ‘World Class’ will be determined by what happens at left-back: Ashley Cole can never play for Arsenal again, the dim-witted star-struck moron has burnt his bridges, and instead of smashing the club he used to supports’ appearance record and becoming an all time legend; he and his agent are chasing Chelsea’s money and strengthening their team, to be remembered as someone who had it all and pissed it in the wind. Gael Clichy is highly rated yet in my eyes a little too raw, Mathieu Flamini is not a left back, and Justin Hoyte doesn’t convince me as a first team regular. A breakthrough from the impressive Armand Traore wouldn’t surprise me, but I think Arsenal will need a world class replacement for Ashley Cole if they are to mount a serious challenge to Chelsea. In Francesc Fabregas, Arsenal could potentially have the outstanding midfielder of his generation, and in Thierry Henry they already have the outstanding forward of his generation; with Thomas Rosicky, Robin van Persie and Alexander Hleb showing serious promise, and the experience of Freddie Ljungberg to back them up, there seems to be plenty of attacking options for Arsène Wenger to challenge Jose Mourinho’s playboys, however it’s another pair of players that could determine Arsenal’s success. Emmanuel Adebayor does not look able to lead the line or give some much needed goal-scoring support to Thierry Henry, and either van Persie needs to deliver, or Arsenal need another forward. Gilberto has been very quiet and unimpressive for the last two years, and in such a crucial position, his club will need an excellent season or a replacement, and quickly.

I’m certain Liverpool won’t present a serious challenge for Chelsea, and while I think there are many factors that could affect Arsenal’s ability to challenge—not least the fact that they’ll likely sell one of their truly World Class players to their direct competition—I do think that they could surprise a few people who think that their youthful team will be no match for the multi-millionaire might of Abramovich’s men.

Stand by for my thoughts on Manchester United and Chelsea later this week.

The World Cup II

2006-07-03T11:47:00.000Z

Whoops. It’s been a while. Lots going on, not least the World Cup, and I’ve just come back from a holiday in Poland. On to business.

England and Portugal

England, and Wayne Rooney, surprised no one by bouncing out of the World Cup on penalties, again. Only on two occasions since 1990 have England exited a tournament on anything but penalties—which is a remarkable statistic I’m sure you’ll agree. Another remarkable statistic is that Wayne Rooney was sent off for the third time in his short career; for an attacking player (particularly a centre forward) that’s verging on unprecedented. The sight of Rooney tunelling through two Portuguese players at waist height whilst being fouled from both sides, epitomised everything anyone needs to know about Rooney’s battling qualities and his determination to get to the ball. I’m certain that he didn’t delibertably attempt to castrate Carvalho, and I’m equally certain that he didn’t get sent off for it; unfortunately for Rooney and England, his inability to lose his temper let him down, and despite the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo is a vile, cheating little wind-up merchant with the most punchable face in football (which at least all Arsenal fans are already aware of), Rooney still has no excuse for not just walking away or giving Ronaldo some verbals. You can’t raise your hands—I know that, you know that, Rooney knows that.

Despite Rooney’s sending off, England performed admirably; Hargreaves surprised me (and plenty others, I’m sure) with his phenomenally dynamic display, and the defence including Paul Robinson were never seriously troubled by a limp Portuguese attack. The team and the country were however, let down by some terrible decisions:

Substituting Joe Cole: Why Sven? Why? Lose balance, take Gerrard out of position, leave the woeful Frank Lampard on the pitch, make England even less likely to score…. Crouch performed excellently up front (for a giraffe) with some nice holding play, but England were unable to capitalise on his play as there were no runners from midfield—particularly the wide areas.
Leaving Walcott on the bench: Why did you take him Sven? Why? Everyone’s knackered, he’s the fastest player in the squad, Lampard is awful, and playing for penalties is playing to lose if you’re England. If you’re England, a penalty shoot out is as useful as a 4-0 defeat, so why on Earth did the boring, useless Swede not bring on our only attacking option to try and get a winning goal. Which brings me on to:
Bringing on Jamie Carragher: Bringing on a player purely to take a penalty is stupid, full stop. If that player is Jamie Carragher, it’s bordering on lunacy. If that player is Jamie Carragher, and he has to retake his first penalty because he just wanted to get it over with, then misses his second, then a word needs to be invented to convey quite how colossally imbecillic a decision it was. ‘Svenish’.
Not taking the first penalty: Sorry Gary, this one was your call (presumably). We won the toss, yet handed the advantage to Portugal by giving them the first penalty. As if there’s not enough pressure on the players, Neville’s decision to allow Portugal first kick made sure that from Penalty 1 onwards (because—unless it’s Frank Lampard—you have to assume that the first penalty, taken by the strongest penalty taker, will be scored) there is pressure on your team.

So that’s it. England performed well but went out, if someone can tell me how this makes the World any different then let me know.

France and Brazil

I had a funny feeling about France this year. Something told me that they’d be up for it, and surprise those who thought they were a team of individuals, has-beens and bottlers. Given their inauspicious start to the tournament (and near early exit from it), it seemed the nay-sayers had it spot on; but in true champion form, they’ve steadily improved, first outplaying and beating Spain, now tormenting and dancing aroudn Brazil. I didn’t see the game (much to my chargrin) as my holiday companions were eager to eat and find a strip club, but I have seen the highlights, and Henry’s lovely goal, so all I can say is this: If Henry, Zidane, Vieira and Ribery turn up, nobody will stand a chance against them. On form, Zinedine Zidane is untouchable in modern football, and I for one hope he is, and that he once again graces and lights up a World Cup final—I’d take him over Ronaldinho every tiome.

Germany and Argentina

Despite all of their fantastic displays in the tournament so far, I couldn’t help but want Argentina to depart, and I’m also not ashamed to admit that I have a grudging respect for Germany’s attitude and approach. One reads a story like this and hats have to be taken off. Jens Lehmann had every Argentine penalty taker written down on a piece of paper, along with notes on their penalty style. On Esteban Cambiasso:

“Wait, stand tall, left corner.”

Lehmann went on to save his crucial last penalty … to his left. Absolutely phenomenal. While Paul Robinson had a couple of ‘family days’ and a bit of a rest, Lehmann studied. While Paul Robinson sits at home watching the rest of the World Cup, Lehmann waits for the Semi Final.

Italy and Ukraine

Not surprised by Italy’s win in the slightest, the Ukraine had the easiest passage to get where they were (though England’s was close) and never looked like causing any kind of upset. I’m certain Italy will come unstuck against Germany. There’s not really much else to say.

The World Cup

2006-05-24T12:43:00.000Z

Title says it all really. After a woeful domestic season, and some major ups and downs for English clubs in Europe, the World Cup is nearly upon us, and I for one am really looking forward to it. At last, some football that I don’t really care about, that I can just sit back and enjoy. No stress, no desperation, no worries. I realise that not all English fans will feel the same, that some of you will get rushes of blood and patriotic stirrings that move you to tears, to violence, to insecure rantings at ‘dirty’ foreigners; well, enjoy them. I’ll be kicking back with a cold beer and hoping to see a team who deserves to triumph take the glory. Who that will be? I don’t know, it may even be England (before you tiresome patriots whinge at me for being anti-Motherland).

I’d like to see a lesser known nation triumph this year. Not in the manner of Greece in the 2004 European Championships—there was no grace in that—I’d like to see a team who work hard but play exciting football, and for each other take the funny gold twisty thing back to their country. I’d like to see a team for whom winning the World Cup genuinely moves them and their supporters, a team who don’t think it’s their ‘destiny’ or ‘their time’ to win it, but one who appreciates that they’re going to have to slog their bollocks off and play the right way to triumph. (I just realised that this paragraph looks like a dig at Greece, it’s not meant to be, I was actually quite chuffed for them, I just wished they’d played some less … utilitatian … football.)

I’m not necessarily talking about underdogs here; even with five World Cup victories I still get the sense that Brazil feel there is soemthing for them to prove, and that the fans know it’s not a matter of being favourites but that they must all pull together and work hard to even stand a chance of winning. The players and fans of Italy, England, Spain and France—to name the worst offenders—have an altogether more arrogant attitude to their teams chances. All of these countries talk constantly about ‘golden’ generations, or boast about having the best domestic league, or the best players and have legions of fans who boast incessantly.

Traditionally, Argentina have been a side guilty of overconfidence and boastfulness, but there’s no doubting that over the last decade they’ve had the stuffing knocked out of them by consistently poor showings in International tournaments. They (or at least, the World’s football press) have perhaps been more guilty than any other side of over-hyping players: from Veron to Aimar, to Riquelme and Crespo—remember ‘the new Maradona’: Ariel Ortega? I think that Argentina more than any of the other top sides have learnt from their mistakes and understood their weaknesses, with constant disappointment in the performance of supposedly top players, they’ve gone back to basics and built a strong, deep team. I fancy them highly.

The great Pele once said that an African nation would win the World Cup by the year 2000, and while he got it wrong (making the classic mistake of being specific in his prediction, when we all know that at the heart of any good prediction is intentional vagueness and untestability) I think his point is strong. With African players taking a stronghold in the Premiership and other European leagues like never before, and given that—without wanting to generalise or sterotype too much—I believe that when playing for their country, African players feel that they have more to prove than most other International sides; I think that there’s a strong chance we could see an African side do very well this summer.

I’m a particular fan of the Ivory Coast, and not just because my favourite Arsenal player and the most outstanding defender in England this season is a member of their squad; I feel they have a togetherness and a strength in anonymity that other sides don’t, and I’m clearly not alone. Despite being in a group with Argentina and the Netherlands, the best odds I can find on them reaching the final eight of the competition are a staggeringly short 6-1.

Talking of Holland, they’re another side I’ve always enjoyed watching and supporting. It’s such a cliché to talk about ‘total football’, and a preference for beautiful defeat over an ugly success, but I’ve seen nothing to change my view that it’s less a hackneyed phrase and more a genetically enforced fact of Dutch life. And I love it. I’ve never been a win-at-all costs person, trophies alone do not make a great team or player in my eyes (they help of course), and although Ruud van Nistelrooij has given the Netherlands a rather less beautiful front-line than the position’s previous encumbants (Bergkamp, van Basten, Gullit, Cruyff to name a few), I still trust in the Oranjes to put on a show. And their away kit is fantastic.

Maybe it’s not the football I’m looking forward to at all, but the fact that we’ve just had two enormous plasma screens installed at work, for … presentation purposes. There’s a playstation too. PES5? Oh yes.

Thought for the day

2006-05-14T14:34:00.000Z

I'm busier than a good looking rabbit in mating season, so I'm going to be brief (better than nothing at all? Maybe).

UEFA are urging Arsenal/Barca fans without a ticket not to travel to Paris; the article interestingly brings up th fact that of the 77,000 tickets released for the game, 16,000 have gone on sale to the public, and Arsenal and Barca have 15,000 each. Hold on a minute … 77,000 tickets + 30,000 to clubs + 16,000 to public leaves 30,000 tickets unaccounted for.

Here's a hint UEFA:

DON'T GIVE NEARLY HALF THE MATCH TICKETS TO CORPORATE SPONSORS WHO COULDN'T GIVE A TOSS ABOUT THE ACTUAL FOOTBALL, WHEN THERE ARE REAL FANS WHO CAN'T GET TICKETS FOR THE GAME. LOTS OF THEM. INCLUDING ME.

And for God's sake, don't compound the sad state of affairs you've slumped in to by urging said 'real' fans that will be travelling without tickets to soak up the atmosphere/spend a fortune buying from touts, not to do so.

P.S. I will be travelling to Paris, but I don't have a ticket, so anyone who wants to donate one will be my bestest friend forever.

On another note, I felt desperately sorry for West Ham yesterday, they didn't deserve to lose that game in the slightest. While all the headlines this morning are about Steven Gerrard (and there's no doubting he put in a colossal performance yesterday), I'd like to say a couple of words about Nigel Reo-Coker. I've been keeping my eye on him all season, after he caught my eye playing for Wimbledon when he was younger, and his immense performance yesterday coupled with being consistenly top class all season has convinced me that he's capable of playing at a very high level. With both Arsenal and Manchester United lacking in central midfield, don't be surprised if the lad is with one of them come the start of next season. I know what you're thinking though: West Ham? Developing a good player and then selling him? Never!

Ready children? Then let's begin

2006-05-04T16:45:00.000Z

Let’s start with Wayne Rooney—I’ll try and contain my mirth for long enough to finish this paragraph. Wayne Rooney is a nasty little player, he consistently tackles dangerously and gets away with it, he’s abusive to officials, he’s generally unpleasant. I felt nothing but the sweet smell of Karma kicking the horrible little shit right up the arse (or on the ankle, as it were), particularly in a game where he’d already reduced John Terry to a hobble. He’s a wonderful footballer, but a prize twat of a person, and this is perhaps the most hilarious headline ever written—the idea of Wayne Rooney being ‘philosophical’ about anything other than the big hole in his wallet left by his marginally more unpleasant other-half is almost as funny as his face when he was carted off the Stamford Bridge pitch last Saturday. I’m of the opinion that England didn’t really stand much of a chance anyway, but without Rooney, ‘not much’ has changed to ‘a cat in hell’

Talking of England’s chances, it seems their chances of silverware will remanin in the same ballpark, with or without Rooney, as the FA have once again shown their utter incompetence by naming Mr Medicore as the new England manager (from 1 August). Middlesbrough would have paid England to take McLaren less than six weeks ago, but now he’s supposed to be the best man for the job? Second choice to Scolari? He’s got second choice written through him like a stick of rock.

I couldn’t think of a worse choice for the position, apart from maybe Steve Bruce.

And staying with the subject of the FA: after a season littered with awful, dangerous, challenges from cynical and brutish individuals—and what I’m sure must be a record number of serious foot/leg injuries to Premiership players—what’s the betting that at the beginning of next season there’s a clampdown on backchat to officials? Or diving? Or celebrating in front of away fans? Or some other stupid initiative designed to make them and the officials feel important.

Never one to shirk the oppotunity to be logical, I liked Arsène Wenger’s suggestion:

“I felt, having watched the game, that there were bad intentions … The player should be banned as long as Abou Diaby does not play. When you see that he gets a yellow card it is just horrendous.”

Too right; it’s long been my opinion that football is perfectly happy to see cameras catch people and players for spitting, shirt pulling, diving, swearing, giving fans a two-fingered salute, being happy at scoring a goal—but we see the punishment and chastisement of ‘honest’ or ‘hardworking’ players half crippling others as just a calculated risk of playing the game. Well it’s bollocks; it’s not good enough, and someone needs to take action before it gets out of hand. By someone, I mean one of the brain-dead idiots at the FA.

Don't say I never give you anything

2006-04-09T01:16:00.000Z

So the Champions League is entering it’s final phase, and Arsenal have beaten Real Madrid AND Juventus en route to the semis in four thrilling legs of football. What better way to celebrate than by giving away some free beer? All you have to do is write a piece about the Champions League (any length up to 500 words). The only rules are that you can’t be offensive, you have to be over 18, and you must live in the UK. The writer of the best entry (as judged by yours truly) received by 16th April 2006 (next Sunday) will win a crate of Heineken (24 bottles) along with a Heineken UEFA Champions League sports bag, beanie hat and mini-football. The winning entry will also be published – for talent scouts everywhere to read – on the TalkSport website and here on All Things Footie.

So get writing, and send your entries to winbeer@allthingsfootie.co.uk before next Sunday. Winners will be announced on Wednesday 19th April.

The domestic competition may be dull as ditchwater (though I think there’s a good chance that Manchester United could still spring a surprise on the runaway leaders, as they’ve done so many times before), but thanks to All Things Footie, you now have something to keep you busy on the upcoming dull weekends, waiting for Tuesday and Wednesday to come around (aren’t we all?).

Just end it now / Refs

2006-03-27T12:23:00.000Z

For football’s sake, just finish the season now. Apart from the fact that Chelsea are the most classless and distasteful team in modern memory, it’s just getting boring. As well as being one of the lowest quality seasons in the last decade playing wise, I’m convinced this is the worst season of refereeing I’ve seen too. This is not a comment motivated by any one particular action over the weeked, just a general thought I’ve been mulling over for a while.

I recall earlier this season that Clive Thomas (ex head of Refereeing, former World Cup Referee and High Sheriff of Mid Glamorgan) said that the current crop of referees were awful, and that our ‘best’ (Graham Poll) wouldn’t have been good enough to ref in the top flight—let alone a World Cup—in his day. Strong words, but accurate nonetheless in this author’s opinion. Maybe it’s because there have been a lot of new referees promoted to the Premiership in the last couple of years, or maybe it’s because football’s getting more difficult to referee, but I can’t remember a season more inconsistently refereed.

If you cast your mind back to the opening weeks of the 05/06 season, you’ll remember a number of red cards for challenges considered ‘dangerous’—not necessitating contact, but simply challenges that are stupid and dangerous. Given that most of the refereeing ‘initiatives’ over the past few seasons have centered around pointless legislation against dissent and shirt-pulling, I was most happy to see the true thugs finally having action taken against them. Only problem was that it just lasted a fortnight. Come December you have Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Michael Essien attempting to break kneecaps every week without so much as a booking half of the time.

It’s long been my belief that a well refereed game requires only that the players be happy with the ref’s performance—not outrageous feats of incident spotting, not being cool and calm, and not even getting the ‘big’ decisions right all the time—but it’s still an impossible task, surely? Players are never happy with referees … well, I don’t think it’s as cut and dry as that. I think if the players respect the referee, if the official is consistent in his application of the laws and is (above all) honest about his decisions, he will be fairly treated by the players. The two major problems with refs at the moment is that they’re both inconsisent, defensive, and whiney little powermongers who deserve all the respect they’re not given. How is a working class lad from a rough area of a rough city supposed to respect a schoolmaster from Harrow? Half the time he’s playnig football to get away from that kind of snotty superiority.

Don’t get me wrong; I respect unconditionally what referees do, and I actually think that at grass roots level it’s close to being spot on. In sunday and local Saturday leagues up and down the country, ex players (who’ve fallen foul of injury or a ‘real’ job) and local enthusiasts take control of games with little or no real problem. Players usually appreciate that some guy has taken time out of his day off to allow them to do something they love doing. At the highest level though, it’s all wrong. Too much politics and too much backslapping; too many referees chosen because they’re good in press conferences. There needs to be more of the kind of ref that could punch Wayne Rooney’s lights out, and give him a mouthful at the same time, someone who’s from the same kind of background as the players they’re supposed to be controlling.

Fewer white, middle-class referees would be a start, it’s hardly reflective of the men on the pitch that I can only think of one black ref in the history of the Premiership, and—dare I say it—the introduction of some continental European refs.

Referees are not the root of all 05/06’s ills, not by a long shot, but the standard this year has been particularly poor, and it’s something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later by the powers that be.

A change is gonna come

2006-03-20T12:17:00.000Z

Once more, it’s refreshing to see Jose Mourinho gracious in defeat; after (for once) a ref and a linesman getting a crucial and difficult decision correct, all Moanrinho had to say was:

“It’s a handball so it’s not a goal and the decision is correct.

“What is not correct is the referee didn’t see and allows the goal, the linesman didn’t see but after pressure by Fulham they changed their decision.”

I’m not entirely sure what he’s trying to say there? Apart from “the decision didn’t go my way so I’ll have a moan”. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a big believer in the mantra show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser, but there’s a difference between being a good loser, and being a gracious loser. From what I heard and read, Chelsea were quite rightly beaten; and I think that more concentration on their own faults (no creativity, shit forwards, over-reliance on two players) and less on the dull, paranoid fantasy of a growing conspiracy against them, and the general populous may not hate them quite as much as everyone seems to. It’d also help if they weren’t bankrolled by corrupt Russian oil money and dull as ditchwater to watch, but that’s just an aside.

One of Chelsea’s main insecurities (and one that I’m sure wrangles with that bottom-feeding, power-hungry, big-head Peter Kenyon) is that they’re excluded from the G14 group of Europe’s most powerful clubs; whose attentions are interestingly elsewhere….

To those who are not aware, there’s a court case going on in Belgium at the moment, where Sporting Charleoi are suing FIFA after their Moroccan player Abdelmajid Oulmers was injured while on International duty with Morocco (playing Burkina Faso in a friendly). Any regular readers will know my thoughts on International football, and making international associations a little more accountable would be a welcome change for me. I’m not interested in the slightest in International football, it bores me, it’s of a lower level that top club football, and it proves nothing.

To save you all a lot of reading, the case is essentially asking whether National associations should continue to have their ‘answer to no one’ control over players’ availability. Should they still be able to call on a player for a meaningless and tiring friendly half way around the world, then return them to their employer unable to work and be totally unaccountable for what happened under their supervision? In my opinion, they absolutely should not. In season friendlies are stupid, and pointless; moreso when the international manager in question insists on using 11 half time subs.

Whatever happens with it, it’ll be interesting to watch it progress—particularly with fellow G14 member, and French Champions, Lyon filing a similar lawsuit. It could have as much impact on football as the Bosman ruling, and it’ll certainly alter how International football works; something that’s needed an overhaul for a long time.

Laughs, English, Europe

2006-03-10T10:57:00.000Z

I love it when a story really makes you chuckle. I would hazard a guess that Wayne Rooney has read less books in his life than I’ve scored Premiership Goals, yet that hasn’t stopped Harper Collins signing him up for a minimum five book deal (BBC News) for a staggering five million pounds.

“It will be good for people to hear things from me for once,” he said. Presumably, by ‘from me’ he means, ‘from my ghostwriter’. I love literature, I love reading, and while I relise it’s just the way of things, I can’t help but hate the fact that brilliant minds and authors go unhearalded and—financially at least—relatively unrewarded while sloppy ghostwriters like arsehole extrordinaire Eamon Dunphy get a slice of millions for writing the biography of a sodding 19 year-old simpleton. Great footballer, but Wayne Rooney could talk non-stop for the next 30 years and still not have anything interesting to say.

After two fantastic performances with an entire back four out injured, it seems that some people still aren’t happy. Both Alan Pardew and the most worthless, useless waste of space in English football (which is some achievement) Gordon Taylor, have ‘slammed’ Arsenal’s lack of Englishmen. While part of me agrees to some extent, the simple truth is that English players fall in to one of three categories at present:

They’re rubbish, over-rated and over-valued
They’re doggedly loyal club-servants
They’re good players, but have attitudes you could demolish walls with

As some people have already pointed out, if you look at all of the teams with high proportions of English players (Birmingham, West Ham, Manchester City, Newcastle, Charlton, Middlesbrough and West Brom all have 10 or more) then you’re looking at the gutter of the Premiership. Relegation battlers and sides going nowhere. My main problem with particularly the good, young English players, is their attitude and arrogance. I’ve said it plenty of times before, but on the continent and elsewhere in the World, footballers generally behave like professionals, they work hard to earn their place and other players’ respect. As soon as any young English footballer is told he’s going to be a great player—by peers, managers or press—they turn into teenage prima-donnas, demanding wage-hikes, ‘respect’ and first team places. Instead of knuckling down, they think the hard work is done and the rest of their career rests on them just turning up and showing off their majesty. Even the ones that do work hard and play brilliantly are prone to getting off with septugenarean prostitutes and getting in fights every weekend.

Now don’t get me wrong, this behaviour affects players in all countries at all levels, but everywhere else it is the exception, here it’s just accepted as part of the way things are. ‘Boys will be boys’. Bollocks.

As you may have guessed, I’m really enjoying the Champions League this season, and not just because for the first time in a very long time it’s not been a disappointing platform for my club. The Champions League is about the big boys; while it’s momentarily thrilling to see the likes of Porto, Bayer Leverkusen and Monaco progress to the latter stages, there’s not a football fan in the world (excepting perhaps the fans of said teams) that doesn’t want to see Juventus, AC Milan, Barcelona, Real Madrid, Ajax, Man Utd, Arsenal, Liverpool et al in the latter stages. There have been some thrilling matches so far—with some teams heading out earlier than they should have done—and more are in prospect. It really should be a feast of football.

Was I sorry to see Chelsea head out of Europe? No, and even less so after Jose Mourinho proved once again that money and a Barclaycard advert doesn’t give you class. After a game where no-one—even the most die hard Chelsea fan—could argue that the best team didn’t run out winners in the overall tie, only someone as classless and arrogant as Mourinho could try and argue that Barcelona can’t beat Chelsea with 11 men. How about Chelsea can’t keep 11 men on the pitch against Barcelona because they have to resort to kicking, pushing and fouling as they’re being dicked on by the better team?

Whatever I think about Real Madrid—and it’s not much—I have to give them a grudging respect for at least spedning their ill-gotten government cash on the most entertaining players. For assembling a team containg Zinedine Zidane, Figo, Raul, Ronaldo, Beckham and Roberto Carlos—however disjointed they are/were, I have to tip my hat. Only a team as truly vile as Chelsea could spend more money, but buy dross, dull, defenders and technically bereft centre forwards (Crespo aside). Even their flair players are just kick and run merchants. If Chelsea v Barcelona showed us anything, it’s that in a time when every Tom, Dick and Allardyce think that 4-5-1 is exciting, flair can still beat industry, which is why I love football.

Boring, boring England

2006-02-27T11:45:00.000Z

For fear of being accused that I only write things after a good Arsenal performance, I left it quiet from last Tuesday on. That’s the reason. Honest.

It would be easy to come to the conclusion that I’ve not enjoyed the 2005/2006 Premiership season so far because the team I support have not been particularly successful in all but European Competitions; but you’d be (at least partially) wrong. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed seasons in the past when my least favourite team won an unprecedented treble, and when I’ve watched my second least favourite team win a quadruple (including beating my team in the Cup Final). I’d never have made it to 1998 a football fan if my teams fortunes and petty jealousy governed whether I enjoyed the game. No. The reason I’ve not enjoyed this season is because I’ve watched the league I love turn into a collection of hapless Bolton impersonators. Just when the Premiership had established itself as the best league in the world—in my and plenty of others’ eyes—highly technical, fast-paced and flowing football have been replaced by big lump strikers, cloggers at the back and defenders moving into midfield.

It used to be that when midfielders ran out of steam they moved into defence—Lothar Mattheüs, Frank Rijkaard and Marcel Desailly spring instantly to mind—now we’re seeing defenders being pushed into midfield roles as managers and teams become so terrified of losing they’d do anything to try and shut up shop. Media and fan pressure for success at all costs has lead to managers selecting more and more conservative lineups and it’s the norm for at least three Premiership matches to finish goal-less. The single thing that’s always attracted me—and I’m sure countless others—to football is daring, flair and goals. There’s a reason people all over the World remember Maradona, Ardiles, Cruyff, Zola, Gascoigne and Best rather than Monti, Jansen, Wise and Crerand; everyone loves attacking football, it draws crowds and keeps people interested, it’s what it’s all about.

Twice this season I’ve seen half empty grounds in cup semi-finals and big games, fans aren’t interested in watching multi-millionaire footballers hoof the ball upfield and chase it in packs like a sunday league team. I’m all for passionate players who cover every blade of grass and work their socks off, but they’ve got to be balanced by genuine talents who entertain and thrill crowds. At present the balance is heavily tipped towards first division style players, water-carriers who four/five years ago wouldn’t have gotten a look in, as teams tried to emulate United and Arsenal, playing fluid, attacking football.

I’m sick to the back teeth of watching players like Reyes and Ronaldo being kicked all over the pitch and hearing commentators say that they need to ‘get used to it’. Why should they get used to being fouled? Shouldn’t referees start acting against the kind of tackles thrown around lately by Essien, Flamini and the whole Bolton squad? The lenience shown by referees over the last few years towards horrible, horribile tackles (only made worse by laughable ‘clamp downs’ on dissent) has helped to create the situation we find ourselves in, where the common response to someone being hacked down at the knees is essentially ‘get up you foreign pansy’.

Don’t get me wrong, England has always hosted a physical league, where you have to hold your own and work on your strength and balance, but it’s getting ridiculous now. The practical upshot has been that less and less flair players are seeing any joy, more and more players are being seriously injured and spending weeks or months on the sidelines every season, and the only players left are those who kick and fight back.

The Premiership has turned into a league full of cloggers; full of big, thick, elbow-happy forwards and defenders who rely on being stronger or dirtier rather than positionally astute. Midfielders who do well because they can toe-poke a ball from thirty yards very, very hard and run about eight miles a game rather than because they’re cunning and skillful footballers. In the very recent past, the Premiership showcased flair and talent, each game was about who could out think and out pass the other—we regularly saw three or more strikers starting games; now it’s about who can stay fit and who’s got the biggest, strongest one-man up front. Football is more fun if it’s about winning and goals, rather than trying not to lose and playing 4-5-1; particularly at the top of the league.

Maybe seeing what’s happened to Leeds, Southampton and West Ham (who have, along with Wigan, been one of the shining lights of attacking football this season) over the last few years has put the frighteners on teams, or maybe people see Chelsea’s success while impersonating Bolton and think that winning things with dull, souless teams is better than not winning things at all.

I disagree.

The Emperor’s new clothes

2006-02-21T19:12:00.000Z

UPDATE: The commenting was broken—trust me to not notice that after requesting your comments—but it's fixed now. So opine away…

As you may have noticed (assuming you’ve been here before), All Things Footie has finally had just it’s third tune up in more than five years. Five years, bloody hell. Gone is all the frippery of the old site, including the ever popular Google Ads, and here to stay is a leaner, simpler, better looking (I hope you agree with me) version of the ATF.

I hope you’ll excuse my relative silence over the last week or two, it’s been a combination of general business and getting this redesign ready to deploy. I’d love to hear any comments you have about the new design, any tales of it breaking in your browser, etc. Leave them in the comments below for immediate attention.

New footie related content will be coming soon, in the form of a big double barrelled shotgun aimed at the heads of the clueless referees that are staffing the Premiership in 2006.

Recklessness

2006-01-30T10:52:00.000Z

If a Premiership or Football League club goes into administration, the punishment is a deduction of 10 points. No ifs, no buts, just ten points. But why? It seems on the surface a little harsh to punish a club that’s clearly already struggling with a points deduction as well, but there’s a very good reason for the punishment. In the words of Javed Khan:

‘The idea [behind the 10 point deduction] was to focus the minds of those that run the clubs and say: “You have to manage you financial affairs prudently not recklessly, because if you do not you will suffer the consequences”.’

The question I have is why limit it to clubs who go into administration? Surely there are financial markers that are just as valid a representation of reckless management as an application for administration? How about posting a £140m loss?

When the plan to deduct points was originally discussed, it was as much a moral motivation as a technical one. Following Leicester’s promotion in 2002/2003 season, even though they wrote off £50m worth of debt:

“Nottingham Forest decide to do the moral thing and pay off all their debts and not rest until they’ve done that, and they’ve narrowly lost out on promotion to Leicester. Who’s done the right thing, the decent thing?”

Which is the essence of the whole argument. Clubs who post huge losses, who file for banruptcy, who pay no mind to the balance sheet and continue to sign player after player after player for extortionate amounts of money simply because they can—should be punished. Why? The Football League’s head of communication, John Nagle, said it much better than me:

‘The sporting sanction itself is not intended as a punishment but rather as an attempt to balance the competitive advantage clubs receive by ridding themselves of debt.’

Balance. Something the Premier League should be seeking as Chelsea once again stroll to the title not because they’ve got the best 11 players in the country, or even the best team, but because when a major player gets injured, they have another one just as good playing in their reserves. ‘Well, that just means they’ve a good squad!’ I hear you say, ‘There’s nothing wrong with that’. Yes there is. The problem is that it’s impossible for anyone to compete with their squad—not because their manager is the shrewdest, or the best long-term thinker, but because they have a limitless pot of money, and because they can lose £140m in ONE YEAR almost solely on player purchases.

It’s an utter disgrace, it’s reckless and there’s no reason for Peter Kenyon to look so smug, he must have the worst CV ever. How he gets a job is beyond me.

Oh dear, Sven

2006-01-24T10:48:00.000Z

You’ve really screwed it up this time.

I saw something on a website a week ago, some kind of petition bertaing the News of the World for unsettling ‘our’ England manager before a World Cup, and criticising the whole ‘Fake Sheikh’ sting. I don’t know exactly how stupid you have to be to fall for the Fake Sheikh scam—maybe there are loads of Sheikhs roaming London offering tantalising jobs in football and I just don’t know it—but there’s no doubt in my mind that, on the ‘Bush scale’ of stupidity, Sven’s always been a high scorer. Emile Heskey’s 43 England Caps are evidence enough of this. Actually, the fact that he said he’d consider quitting the cushiest job in football to work under Doug Ellis makes his lack of brain power almost indisputable.

I love the way that because he wears rimless glasses and is quiet as a church mouse, he’s always been portrayed as a ‘thinker’, an intelligent manager in the mould of Arsène Wenger and Fabio Capello. Which is of course, utter nonsense. He’s quiet because he’s got nothing to say, he wears glasses presumably because someone once told him they were magic glasses that would enable him to see potential in even the most incompetent of footballers (see Owen Hargreaves, Danny Mills, Darius Vassell, Emile Heskey, Peter Crouch, David James). I’m increasingly of the opinion that Alastair McGowan and Ronnie Ancona’s portral of Sven and Nancy is less comedy invention and more faithful satire; odd as it sounds, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the ‘brains’ behind it all.

There’s no doubt that Sven will be off at the World Cup, but his departure can’t come too soon in my opinion. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was to leave his post before the end of this week.

I was amused this morning to see Jermaine Pennant warning Theo Walcott about joining Arsenal. Apparently, you have to suffer the ‘hell’ of:

“you start thinking ‘what have I done here? why am I not playing? what’s happening?’”

What he forgot to say was that it was also not a good idea to turn up to training pissed, get banned from the road for drink driving, then wrap your car around a lamp-post (drunk) and claim to be Ashley Cole to the police. If there was ever an embodiment of the deep-rooted malaise in English football, Pennant is it. his advice for Theo:

”’just be patient, train hard and make sure your attitude is right’”

Just like you, eh Jermaine?

30 Days is a Long Time

2006-01-06T11:37:00.000Z

And one of my few new years resolutions is to get back to updating ATF more often than I’ve managed in 2006. I was going to start with a review of 2006, but that’s a cheap way of filling space given that I’ve made most of my feelings clear over the course of the season. I could also do the customary ‘half time’ report, but seeing as we all know what’s going to happen in the Premiership this season, and that short of a miracle, no English team will win the Champions League, that’d be quite a dull piece too.

So instead I’m going to discuss something more controversial than it should be, that I’m sure will encourage a great deal of debate … to say the least: Soccer AM’s latest DVD.

The concept of the ‘ten greatest players of the last ten years’ is a great one, and would give the most agreeable of fans something to argue about—but like the bewildering ‘Soccer AM top ten goals of all time’ DVD, I just can’t see where Lovejoy and the gang are coming from. Here’s their selection:

Zinedine Zidane
Eric Cantona
Ronaldinho
Rivaldo
Ronaldo
David Beckham
Paul Gascoigne
Wayne Rooney
Thierry Henry
Alan Shearer

While some are simple inarguable—Zidane, Ronaldo and Thierry Henry—some are just plain unbelievable. Paul Gascoigne? His last moment of greatness was in 1996, and that was nearly 9 years ago. He has not, by any stretch of the imagination, by any measure or reasoning, been one of the ten greatest players of the last ten years. Full stop. I’m having no arguing on that one, it’s a fact.

Wayne Rooney has only been doing anything really special over the last 2 years at best, and while he’s beyond doubt a class act (on the pitch anyway), over the last ten years there are players who’ve won more than him and played just as well.

Alan Shearer is a tricky one, as he’s the most prolific striker the Premiership has ever seen. That said, he’s not been at his very best for a large part of the last ten years, and in that time he’s won nothing at all for club or country. I should make it clear at this point that I’m not an advocate of the ‘he’s good because he’s won a lot’ or he’s ‘not good because he hasn’t won anything’, I just think that Alan Shearer hasn’t been pushed enough as a player to be able to stand up there as one of the greats. In the same way that Matt le Tissier’s loyalty will go on to let his legacy down, Shearer’s determination to win something with an otherwise poor team will mean that he’ll never be an all time great. Last ten years is more subjective, but when there are strikers around who’ve scored as many—if not more—goals and who’ve won a bucketload of trophies too, he’s got to take a back seat.

So wihtout further ado, here are my top ten players of the last ten years, in alphabetical order:

Cafu
Marcel Desailly
Thierry Henry
Roy Keane
Paolo Maldini
Raúl González
Ronaldo
Peter Schmeichel
Andri Shevchenko
Zinedine Zidane

Cafu: maybe the fittest player of all time (and no, not that kind of ‘fit’, kids), the first footballer to play in three World Cup finals (winning two), over 130 caps for his country, two Copa America’s, two Scudettos, two Copa Libertadores and a Brazillian league. The best in his position in Europe consistently for the last ten years, without a doubt. He’d still get into nearly all teams in the World, and five years ago there would have been no question. A fabulous footballer and a great, dedicated professional.

Marcel Desailly was a giant of a player, with over 100 International caps, a World Cup, European Championship, two European Cups, two Scudettos and an FA Cup Winners Medal, he was an integral part of every team he played for; and for good reason. Versatile, strong and a monster of a man, he was intimidating but clever and subtle on the ball. There have been few better or more accomplished at Desailly’s job.

Thierry Henry. Consistently brilliant and brilliantly consistent. He’s a scorer of great goals as well as being a great scorer of goals. Cosecutive Golden Boots, consecutive player of the year awards in the Premiership, a World Cup winners medal and a European Championship winners medal, a pair of Premierships and a hat-trick of FA Cups; he’s nothing short of a phenomenon. If you put together a compilation of Henry’s best goals in any given season it would outshine career highlights from all of his contemporaries. A no-brainer inclusion.

Roy Keane: a straight up choice between Keane and Vieira, and it was as tight as any decision can be. Keane has a European Cup winners medal, and has been unnaturally consistent over the last ten years; Vieira has World Cup and European Championship winners medals, but on the domestic front, he’s just not been as influential as Keane. They’re both two of the best midfielders that the English game has ever seen, but Keane just edges it.

Paolo Maldini, for consistency, brilliance, leadership and loyalty. A Rossonieri since 1985 and Italy’s most capped player of all time, he’s been one of the truly outstanding players, worldwide, for nearly twenty years, never mind ten. In the last decade alone he’s won three Scudettos (four more before then) and the Champions League (three more before then). With only International honours out of reach, Maldini has pretty much done it all, and with style. Easy decision to include him, and I can’t believe he wasn’t in the Soccer AM list, I really can’t.

Raúl González is never given the credit he deserves as one of Europe’s greatest strikers. He may have spent his whole career at one of the most hideously corrupt and vile clubs in the World, but you just can’t argue with his record over the last decade: four La Liga trophies, three Champions League winners medals, top goalscorer for his club, country and the Champions League. He’s a goal machine if ever there was one—he’s Shearer but with a boat-load of trophies.

Ronaldo; Oh! The ecstasy and the agony of Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima. I remember watching him for the first time and thinking that he was easily head and shoulders above any player I’d ever seen, the greatest of all time surely—if he kept it up. Then came the injuries, and the debacle at the 1998 World Cup, and it all spiralled downhill from there. He’s picked himself up a little since then, but he’s not the player he once was. World Player of the Year thrice, two World Cups and a golden boot, two Copa Americas, a UEFA Cup and (surprisingly) only one club leage honour—with Real Madrid in 2003. This boy could have been the best, if only the vile hands of marketing and advertising hadn’t ruined him. The story of Ronaldo’s rise and fall is the very epitome of everything that was wrong with the football ‘boom’ of 1996-2002. All that said, even now he’s one of the best forwards in the World.

Peter Schmeichel, the best goalkeeper of all time. There’s inevitably going to be a little English football bias in this list, I am English after all, but of all the truly special players I’ve seen, Schmeichel is up there—albeit having a different impact to someone like Ronaldo. Three Premierships (plus two earlier) and two FA Cups (one more earlier) along with the ever elusive Champions League mean that his trophy cabinet bulged as much as any goalkeeper; but add on to the fact that he didn’t just keep goal for a team that wasn’t ever challenged, but for a team in the most competitive and fast paced league in the world, and his actual performances as much as his achievements make him a certain choice for me. A great shot-stopper, a great leader, and with a fantastic technical side to his game in positioning and distribution; he simply has no rival. The last decade has been blessed to see both Schmeichel and Seaman on top of their games, and this would normally be a choice between them, but Schmeichel’s acheivements edge him ahead.

Andriy Shevchenko. To be a consistent goalscorer in Serie A, you have to be deadly, and Shevchenko is most certainly that. He’s only got a handful of trophies (relative to the other players here anyway, he has one Scudetto and one Champions League, oh, and five Ukranian League titles), but if you can find me a manager anywhere in Europe that wouldn’t take him at the drop of a hat, I’ll show you a man in denial. He’s probably the most deadly striker I’ve ever seen, with an immense physical presence and a thunderous shot. There’s not really much to say about Shevchenko, he’s not a subtle player, he doesn’t have hidden faucets to his game, he’s just a goal machine.

Zinedine Zidane—even the alphabet respects Zidane, ensuring that the best is left until last. The greatest player of the last ten years without a doubt, he’s won just about everything and dazzled the World along the way. He’s prolific (for a midfielder) but a big team player; he’s strong and physical, but breathtakingly subtle and quick with his feet. I’ve never seen any player have the ball under a spell as Zidane does, as if there’s an unbreakable string of elastic between his instep and the ball, it’s quite mesmerising. He’s had some of his best games in big games too; the World Cup Final, the European Cup Final (v Beyer Leverkusen, where he scored the best goal I’ve ever seen in a European Cup Final). He’s peerless, a true legend.

On Chelsea

2005-12-06T23:44:00.000Z

As this season is clearly about just one team, I thought I’d offer some thoughts.

Shaun Wright-Phillips with wither if he doesn’t start playing regularly. He’s not the kind of player that can sit on the bench and do the business when called on, he needs a proverbial run-up to get the best out of him. Moving to Chelsea may well have been the worst move he’s ever made (footballing wise, not financially).

Frank Lampard must be a robot. How on earth can he go nearly two years without a single injury—particularly when you’re playing in his position? I was thinking last night that were Chelsea to lose him, there’s a good chance they’d fall apart. The defence is unequivocally solid, but not as spectacular as is often made out, nor is their oft-lauded wide attack (as I’m coming too). Drogba is Chris Sutton in disguise, and Gudjonsen will never deliver the goods; Crespo is a different matter but it seems he and Jose aren’t each other’s biggest fans.

Arjen Robben is shit. He arrived in a flurry of wonderful goals, he had a superb couple of months … eighteen months ago. Since then he’s looked no more than average, and that’s being generous. He can’t beat players, his crossing is poor, and his finishing has been weak.

Along with Lampard, Terry is the heartbeat. I can’t really say anything about Terry that hasn’t been said. He’s Chelsea’s Roy Keane, but at the back. I’ve only said anything about him because this can’t be all negative.

Essien is horrible. He’s a decent player, yes, but no better, and he’s put in at least two challenges this season that could finish a player’s career. He’s a disgrace and the fact that he always seems to get away with it makes it worse. How is it that some players always seem to avoid punishment when they’re continually hacking at the opposition, when others get pulled up for doing far less. Essien’s not subtle about it, so it’s not hidden as such, I just can’t work it out.

This Chelsea side tick through one man. Frank Lampard will eclipse both Vieira and Keane if he plays another five years at this level of performance. He’s a wonderful asset to have, but Chelsea are more fragile than they look. They may have tens of millions of pounds on the bench every game, but most of them were ripoffs, and I don’t buy Wenger/Ferguson/Benitez’s excuses that it’s the bench’s that make the difference. It’s not, it’s Frank Lampard.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not trying to say that Chelsea are a one-man team. Man for man, as a squad, they have the best team in the league. But the reason they’re flying ahead of everyone else, is Frank Lampard. His consistency, his goalscoring, his drive.

On a non-Chelsea related note, I’m really liking the look of Liverpool’s Momo Sissoko. He’s tenacious, his distribution is efficient and he’s a quick thinker—perhaps the most important part of being a central midfielder in the Premiership. And finally, Peter Crouch is the worst forward that’s ever worn a Liverpool shirt, he has no redeeming footballing features. His movement is awful, his finishing worse, he’s no pace, his distribution is average at best, he’s awful in the air (both the actual heading and judging where to be). My God, he’s just awful. Seems like a nice bloke though.

I hope they remember me for the football

2005-11-25T14:30:00.000Z

Rest in Peace George Best. Plenty of people who have been around far longer than I have tell me he's the best player they ever saw—beating Maradona, Pele, Cruyff, even Diego Forlan—and who am I to argue.

It's a terribly sad way for such a bright spark to end up, and rather than just celebrating his magnificent talent, I think there's a lesson for certain groups of young, English footballers to learn in the way he finished his life and playing career.

Black armbands all round tomorrow.

You only sing when you're winning

2005-11-18T15:20:00.000Z

Jose Mourinho cancels press conference.

No witticisms for the press tomorrow, no cutting remarks about his rivals, no arrogant swagger, no braggy gloating. He’ll be missed. As bad a tantrum thrower as Alex Ferguson – who has problems of his own (making).

Vile Argy Taunts SENSATION!

2005-11-14T12:09:00.000Z

Or so I’m told. I didn’t watch the game on Saturday (terribly bad football writer that I am), I was too busy drinking delicious wine in the greatest hidden bar in our fair capital (and no, I’m not telling you where it is).

For reasons I shan’t go into, I had a copy of the News of the World at hand on Sunday, and to the detriment of my hangover, I got myself all in a lather regarding the ‘Vile Argie Taunts’ that our poor, innocent boys suffered in Geneva. Just a few days after John Terry—always the epitome of class and understatement—was caught with his pants down (again, though this time with a 17 year old caught down there too), he had to suffer taunts that the English are apparently ‘fags’. John may protest, but it seems that it doesn’t matter who it is so long as they fit in the back seat of his Bentley.

Naughty chants at football matches? Well I never. They’ll be calling the referee a wanker next—then the whole of society will descend into chaos.

The ever balanced News of the World informed us (in headline form) that Owen and Rooney ‘rammed sick Argy insults back down their throats’ (nice use of Argy I thought, it was encouraging to see them remain consistent when referring to the Pakistani cricket team, who we apparently sent *Paki*ng—ho ho ho). Yes, the ‘Argies’ embarassed the world of football, were ‘shameful’ and ‘psycho’ apparently. Three-quarters of the way down the page, we were also told that:

“Once the game started, England fans sang “What’s it like to lose a war?” to taunt the Argentine supporters over the Falklands conflict.”

Full stop. So there’s nothing wrong with this in the eyes of the NotW. Nothing at all. In fact, I’d say the dirty, cheating ‘argies’ deserved it.

“Crowd trouble then broke out near to the end of the stadium where the England majority stood.”

There’s a surprise.

We’re a nation of delusionists. We think we’ve a chance of winning the World Cup because of producing the first half-decent performace in a couple of years against an awful Polish side, and a friednly win against Argentina. On top of that, we still spout statistics about how English football violence is on the wane, but there are ‘incidents’ at EVERY international match. But of course, it’s all the foreigners faults, and they twist the numbers to make us look worse than we are. The devils.

The season starts here

2005-11-08T11:23:00.000Z

This time last year, Arsenal travelled to Old Trafford on the back of a forty-nine game unbeaten run that stretched to the end of the season before the season before. Everyone called them unbeatable, Chelsea were six points adrift, and people talked about the league being over by Christmas. Come the following April, Chelsea were fourteen points clear and Champions of England. A 20 point overhaul over statistically the best and most consistent team England has ever seen, and non statistically, widely regarded as the most entertaining.

On Sunday morning, Chelsea travelled to Manchester with plenty of pundits—just as short-sighted as they were a year ago—proclaiming the league is already over. Chelsea were nine points clear of Wigan, 13 points clear of United, and 14 points clear of a host of other clubs (all with a game in hand on the Champions); end of story, yes?

Today, Chelsea lie six points clear of Wigan, ten clear of United and eleven clear of four others (all with a game in hand), and their previous four games have included three defeats and a draw. I’m getting a serious sense of Déjà Vu. Chelsea should snap out of their bad spell, just like Arsenal should have snapped out of theirs last year—but the great thing about football is that you really do never know.

Could Wigan win the league? If we’re talking stats, then why not? To dismiss them would be sensible, and condescending, but you might end up looking like Mark Lawrenson after predicting England would beat Northern Ireland 4-0 in Belfast. Football really is a funny old game.

Chelsea are a very different kind of team to Arsenal this time last year, they’re not as convincing, or as good, for a start. I’ve heard people say that Chelsea aren’t as fragile as Arsenal were/are, that one win will get their confidence up and get them playing winning football again, but I’m not so sure. There’s no doubt in my mind that this Chelsea team is full of confidence players; Joe Cole without belief (as he’s spent much of the last few seasons) is as useful as a chocolate teapot, and even players like Terry and Lampard only play well when they’re confident not just in themselves, but in their teammates and their manager—it’s why neither of them play particularly well for England. As for Didier Drogba, well, enough said.

I’m not suggesting Chelsea are going to collapse spectacularly and bring joy to the rest of the Premiership, but I do think that this could be the beginning, and not the end, of a significant blip. If not, this period will be the time that Chelsea may finally convince me that when the heat’s on, they have the mettle to stay in the kitchen.

Free for all

2005-11-02T15:16:00.000Z

For some reason, I caught a couple of minutes of Sir Trevor McDonald’s highly entertaining and informatively titled, ‘Tonight with Trevor McDonald’ on Monday evening, and blow me if it wasn’t discussing the availability of Chinese/Korean/Thai TV streams on the internet broadcasting live Premiership games for free. Given that I’ve watched about 15 games this season on said networks, I was interested to see what Sir Trev had to say on the subject.

Here’s me thinking I’m an honest law-abiding (ish) member of society, when all along I’m a dirty thief that’s going to bankrupt English Football.

Maybe if football, the Premiership, and don’t even start me on the FA, weren’t so driven by profit and money, I’d be able to watch my team on terrestrial TV, like I used to, back in ‘the good old days’™. Or maybe those saturday afternoons where everyone in the league played and you spent all afternoon checking 10 results would be back, rather than having to get up at some ungodly hour on a Sunday to watch your side play 100 miles away at 1 O’Clock. I started counting the number of different kick off days/times last season, and I think I got to about 14 before I gave up. What’s wrong with 3pm on a Saturday?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with at 3pm on a Saturday shall I? At 3pm on a Saturday, it’s midnight in Tokyo and Seoul, 11pm in Beijing and Hong Kong and 10pm in Bangkok. I have a message for the Premiership: If you’re going to make a fortune selling rights to China, Japan, Korea, Thailand and so-on (which, incidentally, I have no problem with), then you’ve got to take the flip side: that people in the UK will a) get pissed off at stupid kick off times, and b) given the chance to avoid lining your pockets (and banrupting ourselves—I’ve spent over $pound;150 going to see my team in the last six weeks) then we will.

But it’s stealing you cry! It’s bankrupting the game. Bullshit. It’s OUR game, not yours, and the idea of being able to watch it because it’s being shared by tens of thousands of people across the globe (that’s the way the system works) then all the better a way to watch the people’s game. I feel no guilt.

And for those of you that are curious: